Yesterday was a shitty day at work. I mean, really shitty. Boss Lady wrote me up because evidently I don't straighten the department well enough. TBPH, on some level, I guess I might agree with her. I hate that department. I'm not a "department" kind of worker... I belong on the front end. Even though it's just a PT job, I know that my talents are being wasted sitting at the stupid furniture desk. And I hate sitting back there, because not only is it boring since most people can't afford to order overpriced baby furniture these days, the majority of my job consists of straightening overpriced toys for spoiled little rich kids, vacuuming, and taking out the trash. If I wanted a janitorial job, I would have applied at Disney where at least the fringe benefits rock. I HATE straightening toys... because two seconds later, some little kid is going to come along and jack everything up and if I don't notice it, I'll get in trouble for not straightening things.
Today was not the first shitty day I've had since I've changed things up and started losing weight, but it was the first shitty day where my first thought was to grab every 3 Musketeers bar in a 6 mile radius and eat them one after another, kind of like chain-smoking. I even said to myself, "Screw this damn diet... I don't weigh in until Friday, I have time to get back on the bandwagon." So I marched up to the front of the store, grabbed a 3 Musketeers bar, and scarfed the entire thing. It. Tasted. Delicious. I wanted four more. And then a Snickers. And then half a dozen packs of Twizzlers Pull-n-Peel. What's crazy is that I'm not even a sugar fiend... I never have been, not even when I was huge (huge-er). But the site of all that candy sitting there, calling to me, when I had tears drying on my face and I was absolutely exhausted from working so much and ready to just lay down on the floor and die... it was almost too much.
I stopped myself, though. I'm not exactly sure what it was that stopped me... I think part of it was guilt (towards myself) that I had worked so hard for my weight loss and I was about to throw it away for 6 ounces of nougat. Part of it was having the forethought to know that if I chowed down on candy and then I didn't have a loss at WI on Friday, that I would likely get frustrated and give up. But I think the biggest deciding factor was the fact that my stomach was already starting to hurt from ingesting junk. I hadn't had anything like that in a long time, and my stomach let me know it.
So I went back to my desk, put in my points in my points tracker, and moved on. Even with the candy, I still stayed under points. It still feels like a fail because I gave in to the stress and ate crap, but I guess I should be proud of myself for not giving up completely.
Blah. Let's hope today is better than yesterday.
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